Chapter 1 - Obtaining Supplies
"I want something to do."
This remark being addressed to the world in general, no onein particular felt it their duty to reply; so I repeated itto the smaller world about me, received the followingsuggestions, and settled the matter by answering my owninquiry, as people are apt to do when very much in earnest.
"Write a book," quoth the author of my being.
"Don't know enough, sir. First live, then write."
"Try teaching again," suggested my mother.
"No thank you, ma'am, ten years of that is enough."
"Take a husband like my Darby, and fulfill your mission,"said sister Joan, home on a visit.
"Can't afford expensive luxuries, Mrs. Coobiddy."
"Turn actress, and immortalize your name," said sisterVashti, striking an attitude.
"I won't."
"Go nurse the soldiers," said my young brother, Tom,panting for "the tented field."
"I will!"
So far, very good. Here was the will - now for the way. At firstsight not a foot of it appeared, but that didn't matter, for thePeriwinkles are a hopeful race; their crest is an anchor, withthree cock-a-doodles crowing atop. They all wear rose-coloredspectacles, and are lineal descendants of the inventor of aerialarchitecture. An hour's conversation on the subject set the wholefamily in a blaze of enthusiasm. A model hospital was erected,and each member had accepted an honorable post therein. Thepaternal P. was chaplain, the maternal P. was matron, and all theyouthful P.s filled the pod of futurity with achievements whosebrilliancy eclipsed the glories of the present and the past.Arriving at this satisfactory conclusion, the meeting adjourned,and the fact that Miss Tribulation was available as army nursewent abroad on the wings of the wind.
In a few days a townswoman heard of my desire, approved of it,and brought about an interview with one of the sisterhood which Iwished to join, who was at home on a furlough, and able andwilling to satisfy all inquiries. A morning chat with MissGeneral S. - we hear no end of Mrs. Generals, why not aMiss? - produced three results: I felt that I could do the work,was offered a place, and accepted it, promising not to desert,but stand ready to march on Washington at an hour's notice.
A few days were necessary for the letter containing my requestand recommendation to reach headquarters, and another, containingmy commission, to return; therefore no time was to be lost; andheartily thanking my pair of friends, I tore home through theDecember slush as if the rebels were after me, and like manyanother recruit, burst in upon my family with the announcement -
"I've enlisted!"
An impressive silence followed. Tom, the irrepressible,broke it with a slap on the shoulder and the gracefulcompliment -
"Old Trib, you're a trump!"
"Thank you; then I'll take something:" which I did, in theshape of dinner, reeling off my news at the rate of threedozen words to a mouthful; and as every one else talkedequally fast, and all together, the scene was most inspiring.
As boys going to sea immediately become nautical in speech, walkas if they already had their "sea legs" on, and shiver theirtimbers on all possible occasions, so I turned military at once,called my dinner my rations, saluted all new comers, and ordereda dress parade that very afternoon. Having reviewed every rag Ipossessed, I detailed some for picket duty while airing over thefence; some to the sanitary influences of the wash-tub; others tomount guard in the trunk; while the weak and wounded went to theWork- basket Hospital, to be made ready for active service again.To this squad I devoted myself for a week; but all was done, andI had time to get powerfully impatient before the letter came. Itdid arrive however, and brought a disappointment along with itsgood will and friendliness, for it told me that the place in theArmory Hospital that I supposed I was to take, was alreadyfilled, and a much less desirable one at Hurly-burly House wasoffered instead.
"That's just your luck, Trib. I'll tote your trunk up garret foryou again; for of course you won't go," Tom remarked, with thedisdainful pity which small boys affect when they get into theirteens. I was wavering in my secret soul, but that settled thematter, and I crushed him on the spot with martial brevity -
"It is now one; I shall march at six."
I have a confused recollection of spending the afternoon inpervading the house like an executive whirlwind, with my familyswarming after me, all working, talking, prophesying andlamenting, while I packed my "go-abroady" possessions, tumbledthe rest into two big boxes, danced on the lids till they shut,and gave them in charge, with the direction, -
"If I never come back, make a bonfire of them."
Then I choked down a cup of tea, generously salted insteadof sugared, by some agitated relative, shouldered my knapsack - it was only a traveling bag, but do let me preserve theunities - hugged my family three times all round without avestige of unmanly emotion, till a certain dear old ladybroke down upon my neck, with a despairing sort of wail -
"Oh, my dear, my dear, how can I let you go?"
"I'll stay if you say so, mother."
"But I don't; go, and the Lord will take care of you."
Much of the Roman matron's courage had gone into the Yankeematron's composition, and, in spite of her tears, she wouldhave sent ten sons to the war, had she possessed them, asfreely as she sent one daughter, smiling and flapping on thedoor-step till I vanished, though the eyes that followed mewere very dim, and the handkerchief she waved was very wet.
My transit from The Gables to the village depot was a funnymixture of good wishes and good byes, mud-puddles and shopping.A December twilight is not the most cheering time to enter upona somewhat perilous enterprise, and, but for the presence ofVashti and neighbor Thorn, I fear that I might have added a dropof the briny to the native moisture of -
though I'd no thought of giving out: oh, bless you, no!When the engine screeched "Here we are," I clutched my escortin a fervent embrace, and skipped into the car with as blithe afarewell as if going on a bridal tour - though I believe bridesdon't usually wear cavernous black bonnets and fuzzy browncoats, with a hair-brush, a pair of rubbers, two books, and abag of ginger-bread distorting the pockets of the same. If Ithought that any one would believe it, I'd boldly state that Islept from C. to B., which would simplify matters immensely; butas I know they wouldn't, I'll confess that the head underthe funereal coal-hod fermented with all manner of highthoughts and heroic purposes "to do or die," - perhaps both; andthe heart under the fuzzy brown coat felt very tender with thememory of the dear old lady, probably sobbing over herarmy socks and the loss of her topsy-turvy Trib. At thisjuncture I took the veil, and what I did behind it is nobody'sbusiness; but I maintain that the soldier who cries when hismother says "Good bye," is the boy to fight best, anddie bravest, when the time comes, or go back to her betterthan he went.
Till nine o'clock I trotted about the city streets, doingthose last errands which no woman would even go to heavenwithout attempting, if she could. Then I went to my usualrefuge, and, fully intending to keep awake, as a sort of vigilappropriate to the occasion, fell fast asleep and dreamedpropitious dreams till my rosy-faced cousin waked me with akiss.
A bright day smiled upon my enterprise, and at ten I reportedmyself to my General, received last instructions and no end ofthe sympathetic encouragement which women give, in look, touch,and tone more effectually than in words. The next step was to geta free pass to Washington, for I'd no desire to waste mysubstance on railroad companies when "the boys" needed even aspinster's mite. A friend of mine had procured such a pass, and Iwas bent on doing likewise, though I had to face the president ofthe railroad to accomplish it. I'm a bashful individual, though Ican't get any one to believe it; so it cost me a great effort topoke about the Worcester depot till the right door appeared, thenwalk into a room containing several gentlemen, and blunder out myrequest in a high state of stammer and blush. Nothing could havebeen more courteous than this dreaded President, but it wasevident that I had made as absurd a demand as if I had asked forthe nose off his respectable face. He referred me to the Governorat the State House, and I backed out, leaving him no doubt toregret that such mild maniacs were left at large. Here was aScylla and Charybdis business: as if a President wasn't tryingenough, without the Governor of Massachusetts and the hub of thehub piled on top of that. "I never can do it," thought I. "Tomwill hoot at you if you don't," whispered the inconvenient littlevoice that is always goading people to the performance ofdisagreeable duties, and always appeals to the most effectiveagent to produce the proper result. The idea of allowing any boythat ever wore a felt basin and a shoddy jacket with amicroscopic tail, to crow over me, was preposterous, so givingmyself a mental slap for such faint-heartedness, I streamed awayacross the Common, wondering if I ought to say "your Honor," orsimply "Sir," and decided upon the latter, fortifying myself withrecollections of an evening in a charming green library, where Ibeheld the Governor placidly consuming oysters, and laughing asif Massachusetts was a myth, and he had no heavier burden on hisshoulders than his host's handsome hands.
Like an energetic fly in a very large cobweb, I struggledthrough the State House, getting into all the wrong rooms andnone of the right, till I turned desperate, and went into one,resolving not to come out till I'd made somebody hear andanswer me. I suspect that of all the wrong places I hadblundered into, this was the most so. But I didn't care;and, though the apartment was full of soldiers, surgeons,starers, and spittoons, I cornered a perfectly incapable person,and proceeded to pump for information with the following result:
"Was the Governor anywhere about?"
No, he wasn't.
"Could he tell me where to look?"
No, he couldn't.
"Did he know anything about free passes?"
No, he didn't.
"Was there any one there of whom I could inquire?"
Not a person.
"Did he know of any place where information could beobtained?"
Not a place.
"Could he throw the smallest gleam of light upon thematter, in any way?"
Not a ray.
I am naturally irascible, and if I could have shaken thisnegative gentleman vigorously, the relief would have beenimmense. The prejudices of society forbidding this mode ofredress, I merely glowered at him; and, before my wrathfound vent in words, my General appeared, having seen mefrom an opposite window, and come to know what I was about. Ather command the languid gentleman woke up, and troubled himselfto remember that Major or Sergeant or something Mc K. knew allabout the tickets, and his office was in Milk Street. I perkedup instanter, and then, as if the exertion was too much forhim, what did this animated wet blanket do but add -
"I think Mc K. may have left Milk Street, now, and I don'tknow where he has gone."
"Never mind; the new comers will know where he has movedto, my dear, so don't be discouraged; and if you don't succeed,come to me, and we will see what to do next," said my General.
I blessed her in a fervent manner and a cool hall, flutteredround the corner, and bore down upon Milk Street, bent ondiscovering Mc K. if such a being was to be found. He wasn't,and the ignorance of the neighborhood was really pitiable.Nobody knew anything, and after tumbling over bundles ofleather, bumping against big boxes, being nearly annihilated bydescending bales, and sworn at by aggravated truckmen, I finallyelicited the advice to look for Mc K. in Haymarket Square. Whomy informant was I've really forgotten; for, having hailedseveral busy gentlemen, some one of them fabricated thisdelusive quietus for the perturbed spirit, who instantlydeparted to the sequestered locality he named. If I had been insearch of the Koh-i-noor diamond I should have been aslikely to find it there as any vestige of Mc K. I stared atsigns, inquired in shops, invaded an eating house, visited therecruiting tent in the middle of the Square, made myself anuisance generally, and accumulated mud enough to retardanother Nile. All in vain: and I mournfully turned my facetoward the General's, feeling that I should be forced to enrichthe railroad company after all; when, suddenly, I beheld thatadmirable young man, brother-in-law Darby Coobiddy, Esq.I arrested him with a burst of news, and wants, and woes,which caused his manly countenance to lose its usual repose.
"Oh, my dear boy, I'm going to Washington at five, and Ican't find the free ticket man, and there won't be time to seeJoan, and I'm so tired and cross I don't know what to do; andwill you help me, like a cherub as you are?"
"Oh, yes, of course. I know a fellow who will set usright," responded Darby, mildly excited, and darting into somekind of an office, held counsel with an invisible angel, whosent him out radiant. "All serene. I've got him. I'll seeyou through the business, and then get Joan from the DoveCote in time to see you off."
I'm a woman's rights woman, and if any man had offered helpin the morning, I should have condescendingly refused it, surethat I could do everything as well, if not better, myself. Mystrong-mindedness had rather abated since then, and I was nowquite ready to be a "timid trembler," if necessary.
Dear me! how easily Darby did it all: he just asked onequestion, received an answer, tucked me under his arm, and inten minutes I stood in the presence of Mc K., the Desired.
"Now my troubles are over," thought I, and as usual wasdirefully mistaken.
"You will have to get a pass from Dr. H., in Temple Place,before I can give you a pass, madam," answered Mc K., as blandlyas if he wasn't carrying desolation to my soul. Oh, indeed! whydidn't he send me to Dorchester Heights, India Wharf, or BunkerHill Monument, and done with it? Here I was, after a morning'stramp, down in some place about Dock Square, and was toldto step to Temple Place. Nor was that all; he might as well haveasked me to catch a hummingbird, toast a salamander, or call onthe man in the moon, as find a Doctor at home at the busiesthour of the day. It was a blow; but weariness had extinguishedenthusiasm, and resignation clothed me as a garment. I sentDarby for Joan, and doggedly paddled off, feeling that mud wasmy native element, and quite sure that the evening papers wouldannounce the appearance of the Wandering Jew, in femininehabiliments.
"Is Dr. H. in?"
"No, mum, he aint."
Of course he wasn't; I knew that before I asked: and,considering it all in the light of a hollow mockery, added:
"When will he probably return?"
If the damsel had said, "ten to-night," I should have felta grim satisfaction, in the fulfillment of my own dark prophecy;but she said, "At two, mum;" and I felt it a personal insult.
"I'll call, then. Tell him my business is important:" withwhich mysteriously delivered message I departed, hoping that Ileft her consumed with curiosity; for mud rendered me an objectof interest.
By way of resting myself, I crossed the Common, for thethird time, bespoke the carriage, got some lunch, packed mypurchases, smoothed my plumage, and was back again, as the clockstruck two. The Doctor hadn't come yet; and I was morallycertain that he would not, till, having waited till thelast minute, I was driven to buy a ticket, and, five minutesafter the irrevocable deed was done, he would be at my service,with all manner of helpful documents and directions.Everything goes by contraries with me; so, having made upmy mind to be disappointed, of course I wasn't; for, presently,in walked Dr. H., and no sooner had he heard my errand, andglanced at my credentials, than he said, with the most engagingreadiness:
"I will give you the order, with pleasure, madam."
Words cannot express how soothing and delightful it was tofind, at last, somebody who could do what I wanted, withoutsending me from Dan to Beersheba, for a dozen other to dosomething else first. Peace descended, like oil, upon theruffled waters of my being, as I sat listening to the busyscratch of his pen; and, when he turned about, giving menot only the order, but a paper of directions wherewith tosmooth away all difficulties between Boston and Washington, Ifelt as did poor Christian when the Evangelist gave him thescroll, on the safe side of the Slough of Despond. I've nodoubt many dismal nurses have inflicted themselves upon theworthy gentleman since then; but I am sure none have been morekindly helped, or are more grateful, than T. P.; forthat short interview added another to the many pleasantassociations that already surround his name.
Feeling myself no longer a "Martha Struggles," but acomfortable young woman, with plain sailing before her, and theworst of the voyage well over, I once more presented myself tothe valuable Mc K. The order was read, and certainprinted papers, necessary to be filled out, were given ayoung gentleman - no, I prefer to say Boy, with a scornfulemphasis upon the word, as the only means of revenge now leftme. This Boy, instead of doing his duty with the diligence socharming in the young, loitered and lounged, in a mannerwhich proved his education to have been sadly neglected in the -
direction. He stared at me, gaped out of the window, atepeanuts, and gossiped with his neighbors - Boys, like himself, andall penned in a row, like colts at a Cattle Show. I don'timagine he knew the anguish he was inflicting; for it wasnearly three, the train left at five, and I had my ticketto get, my dinner to eat, my blessed sister to see, and thedepot to reach, if I didn't die of apoplexy. Meanwhile, Patiencecertainly had her perfect work that day, and I hope sheenjoyed the job more than I did.
Having waited some twenty minutes, it pleased this reprehensibleBoy to make various marks and blots on my documents, toss themto a venerable creature of sixteen, who delivered them tome with such paternal directions, that it only needed a paton the head and an encouraging - "Now run home to your Ma, littlegirl, and mind the crossings, my dear," to make the illusionquite perfect.
Why I was sent to a steamboat office for car tickets, isnot for me to say, though I went as meekly as I should have goneto the Probate Court, if sent. A fat, easy gentleman gave meseveral bits of paper, with coupons attached, with a warning notto separate them, which instantly inspired me with a yearning topluck them apart, and see what came of it. But, rememberingthrough what fear and tribulation I had obtained them, I curbedSatan's promptings, and, clutching my prize, as if it were mypass to the Elysian Fields, I hurried home. Dinner was rapidlyconsumed; Joan enlightened, comforted, and kissed; the dearestof apple-faced cousins hugged; the kindest of apple-facedcousins' fathers subjected to the same process; and I mountedthe ambulance, baggage-wagon, or anything you please but hack,and drove away, too tired to feel excited, sorry, or glad.