Chapter 3 - A Day
"They've come! they've come! hurry up, ladies - you're wanted."
"Who have come? the rebels?"
This sudden summons in the gray dawn was somewhat startling to athree days' nurse like myself, and, as the thundering knock cameat our door, I sprang up in my bed, prepared
if necessary; but my room-mate took it more coolly, and, as shebegan a rapid toilet, answered my bewildered question, -
"Bless you, no child; it's the wounded from Fredericksburg; fortyambulances are at the door, and we shall have our hands full infifteen minutes."
"What shall we have to do?"
"Wash, dress, feed, warm and nurse them for the next threemonths, I dare say. Eighty beds are ready, and we were gettingimpatient for the men to come. Now you will begin to see hospitallife in earnest, for you won't probably find time to sit down allday, and may think yourself fortunate if you get to bed bymidnight. Come to me in the ball-room when you are ready; theworst cases are always carried there, and I shall need yourhelp."
So saying, the energetic little woman twirled her hair into abutton at the back of her head, in a "cleared for action" sort ofstyle, and vanished, wrestling her way into a feminine kind ofpea-jacket as she went.
I am free to confess that I had a realizing sense of the factthat my hospital bed was not a bed of roses just then, or theprospect before me one of unmingled rapture. My three days'experiences had begun with a death, and, owing to the defalcationof another nurse, a somewhat abrupt plunge into thesuperintendence of a ward containing forty beds, where I spent myshining hours washing faces, serving rations, giving medicine,and sitting in a very hard chair, with pneumonia on one side,diphtheria on the other, five typhoids on the opposite, and adozen dilapidated patriots, hopping, lying, and lounging about,all staring more or less at the new "nuss," who suffered untoldagonies, but concealed them under as matronly an aspect as aspinster could assume, and blundered through her trying laborswith a Spartan firmness, which I hope they appreciated, but amafraid they didn't. Having a taste for "ghastliness," I hadrather longed for the wounded to arrive, for rheumatism wasn'theroic, neither was liver complaint, or measles; even fever hadlost its charms since "bathing burning brows" had been used up inromances, real and ideal; but when I peeped into the dusky streetlined with what I at first had innocently called market carts,now unloading their sad freight at our door, I recalled sundryreminiscences I had heard from nurses of longer standing, myardor experienced a sudden chill, and I indulged in a mostunpatriotic wish that I was safe at home again, with a quiet daybefore me, and no necessity for being hustled up, as if I were ahen and had only to hop off my roost, give my plumage a peck, andbe ready for action. A second bang at the door sent this recreantdesire to the right about, as a little woolly head popped in, andJoey, (a six years' old contraband,) announced -
"Miss Blank is jes' wild fer ye, and says fly round right away.They's comin' in, I tell yer, heaps on 'em - one was took out dead,and I see him, - hi! warn't he a goner!"
With which cheerful intelligence the imp scuttled away, singinglike a blackbird, and I followed, feeling that Richard was nothimself again, and wouldn't be for a long time to come.
The first thing I met was a regiment of the vilest odors thatever assaulted the human nose, and took it by storm. Cologne,with its seven and seventy evil savors, was a posy-bed to it; andthe worst of this affliction was, every one had assured me thatit was a chronic weakness of all hospitals, and I must bear it. Idid, armed with lavender water, with which I so besprinkledmyself and premises, that, like my friend Sairy, I was soon knownamong my patients as "the nurse with the bottle." Having been runover by three excited surgeons, bumped against by migratory coal-hods, water-pails, and small boys, nearly scalded by an avalancheof newly-filled tea-pots, and hopelessly entangled in a knot ofcolored sisters coming to wash, I progressed by slow stages upstairs and down, till the main hall was reached, and I paused totake breath and a survey. There they were! "our brave boys," asthe papers justly call them, for cowards could hardly have beenso riddled with shot and shell, so torn and shattered, nor haveborne suffering for which we have no name, with an uncomplainingfortitude, which made one glad to cherish each as a brother. Inthey came, some on stretchers, some in men's arms, some feeblystaggering along propped on rude crutches, and one lay stark andstill with covered face, as a comrade gave his name to berecorded before they carried him away to the dead house. All washurry and confusion; the hall was full of these wrecks ofhumanity, for the most exhausted could not reach a bed till dulyticketed and registered; the walls were lined with rows of suchas could sit, the floor covered with the more disabled, the stepsand doorways filled with helpers and lookers on; the sound ofmany feet and voices made that usually quiet hour as noisy asnoon; and, in the midst of it all, the matron's motherly facebrought more comfort to many a poor soul, than the cordialdraughts she administered, or the cheery words that welcomed all,making of the hospital a home.
The sight of several stretchers, each with its legless, armless,or desperately wounded occupant, entering my ward, admonished methat I was there to work, not to wonder or weep; so I corked upmy feelings, and returned to the path of duty, which was rather"a hard road to travel" just then. The house had been a hotelbefore hospitals were needed, and many of the doors still boretheir old names; some not so inappropriate as might be imagined,for my ward was in truth a ball-room, if gun-shot wounds couldchristen it. Forty beds were prepared, many already tenanted bytired men who fell down anywhere, and drowsed till the smell offood roused them. Round the great stove was gathered thedreariest group I ever saw - ragged, gaunt and pale, mud to theknees, with bloody bandages untouched since put on days before;many bundled up in blankets, coats being lost or useless; and allwearing that disheartened look which proclaimed defeat, moreplainly than any telegram of the Burnside blunder. I pitied themso much, I dared not speak to them, though, remembering all theyhad been through since the route at Fredericksburg, I yearned toserve the dreariest of them all. Presently, Miss Blank tore mefrom my refuge behind piles of one-sleeved shirts, odd socks,bandages and lint; put basin, sponge, towels, and a block ofbrown soap into my hands, with these appalling directions:
"Come, my dear, begin to wash as fast as you can. Tell them totake off socks, coats and shirts, scrub them well, put on cleanshirts, and the attendants will finish them off, and lay them inbed."
If she had requested me to shave them all, or dance a hornpipe onthe stove funnel, I should have been less staggered; but to scrubsome dozen lords of creation at a moment's notice, wasreally - really - . However, there was no time for nonsense, and,having resolved when I came to do everything I was bid, I drownedmy scruples in my wash-bowl, clutched my soap manfully, and,assuming a business-like air, made a dab at the first dirtyspecimen I saw, bent on performing my task vi et armis ifnecessary. I chanced to light on a withered old Irishman, woundedin the head, which caused that portion of his frame to betastefully laid out like a garden, the bandages being the walks,his hair the shrubbery. He was so overpowered by the honor ofhaving a lady wash him, as he expressed it, that he did nothingbut roll up his eyes, and bless me, in an irresistible stylewhich was too much for my sense of the ludicrous; so we laughedtogether, and when I knelt down to take off his shoes, he"flopped" also, and wouldn't hear of my touching "them dirtycraters. May your bed above be aisy darlin', for the day's workye ar doon! - Whoosh! there ye are, and bedad, it's hard tellin'which is the dirtiest, the fut or the shoe." It was; and if hehadn't been to the fore, I should have gone on pulling, under theimpression that the "fut" was a boot, for trousers, socks, shoesand legs were a mass of mud. This comical tableau produced ageneral grin, at which propitious beginning I took heart andscrubbed away like any tidy parent on a Saturday night. Some ofthem took the performance like sleepy children, leaning theirtired heads against me as I worked, others looked grimlyscandalized, and several of the roughest colored like bashfulgirls. One wore a soiled little bag about his neck, and, as Imoved it, to bathe his wounded breast, I said,
"Your talisman didn't save you, did it?"
"Well, I reckon it did, marm, for that shot would a gone a couplea inches deeper but for my old mammy's camphor bag," answered thecheerful philosopher.
Another, with a gun-shot wound through the cheek, asked for alooking-glass, and when I brought one, regarded his swollen facewith a dolorous expression, as he muttered -
"I vow to gosh, that's too bad! I warn't a bad looking chapbefore, and now I'm done for; won't there be a thunderin' scar?and what on earth will Josephine Skinner say?"
He looked up at me with his one eye so appealingly, that Icontrolled my risibles, and assured him that if Josephine was agirl of sense, she would admire the honorable scar, as a lastingproof that he had faced the enemy, for all women thought a woundthe best decoration a brave soldier could wear. I hope MissSkinner verified the good opinion I so rashly expressed of her,but I shall never know.
The next scrubbee was a nice looking lad, with a curly brownmane, and a budding trace of gingerbread over the lip, which hecalled his beard, and defended stoutly, when the barber jocoselysuggested its immolation. He lay on a bed, with one leg gone,and the right arm so shattered that it must evidently follow: yetthe little Sergeant was as merry as if his afflictions were notworth lamenting over; and when a drop or two of salt watermingled with my suds at the sight of this strong young body, somarred and maimed, the boy looked up, with a brave smile, thoughthere was a little quiver of the lips, as he said,
"Now don't you fret yourself about me, miss; I'm first rate here,for it's nuts to lie still on this bed, after knocking about inthose confounded ambulances, that shake what there is left of afellow to jelly. I never was in one of these places before, andthink this cleaning up a jolly thing for us, though I'm afraid itisn't for you ladies."
"Is this your first battle, Sergeant?"
"No, miss; I've been in six scrimmages, and never got a scratchtill this last one; but it's done the business pretty thoroughlyfor me, I should say. Lord! what a scramble there'll be for armsand legs, when we old boys come out of our graves, on theJudgment Day: wonder if we shall get our own again? If we do, myleg will have to tramp from Fredericksburg, my arm from here, Isuppose, and meet my body, wherever it may be."
The fancy seemed to tickle him mightily, for he laughed blithely,and so did I; which, no doubt, caused the new nurse to beregarded as a light-minded sinner by the Chaplain, who roamedvaguely about, informing the men that they were all worms,corrupt of heart, with perishable bodies, and souls only to besaved by a diligent perusal of certain tracts, and other equallycheering bits of spiritual consolation, when spirituous dittowould have been preferred.
"I say, Mrs.!" called a voice behind me; and, turning, I saw arough Michigander, with an arm blown off at the shoulder, and twoor three bullets still in him - as he afterwards mentioned, ascarelessly as if gentlemen were in the habit of carrying suchtrifles about with them. I went to him, and, while administeringa dose of soap and water, he whispered, irefully:
"That red-headed devil, over yonder, is a reb, damn him! You'llagree to that, I'll bet? He's got shet of a foot, or he'd a cutlike the rest of the lot. Don't you wash him, nor feed him, butjest let him holler till he's tired. It's a blasted shame tofetch them fellers in here, along side of us; and so I'll tellthe chap that bosses this concern; cuss me if I don't."
I regret to say that I did not deliver a moral sermon upon theduty of forgiving our enemies, and the sin of profanity, then andthere; but, being a red-hot Abolitionist, stared fixedly at thetall rebel, who was a copperhead, in every sense of the word, andprivately resolved to put soap in his eyes, rub his nose thewrong way, and excoriate his cuticle generally, if I had thewashing of him.
My amiable intentions, however, were frustrated; for, when Iapproached, with as Christian an expression as my principleswould allow, and asked the question - "Shall I try to make you morecomfortable, sir?" all I got for my pains was a gruff -
"No; I'll do it myself."
"Here's your Southern chivalry, with a witness," thought I,dumping the basin down before him, thereby quenching a strongdesire to give him a summary baptism, in return for hisungraciousness; for my angry passions rose, at this rebuff, in away that would have scandalized good Dr. Watts. He was adisappointment in all respects, (the rebel, not the blessedDoctor,) for he was neither fiendish, romantic, pathetic, oranything interesting; but a long, fat man, with a head like aburning bush, and a perfectly expressionless face: so I coulddislike him without the slightest drawback, and ignored hisexistence from that day forth. One redeeming trait he certainlydid possess, as the floor speedily testified; for his ablutionswere so vigorously performed, that his bed soon stood like anisolated island, in a sea of soap-suds, and he resembled adripping merman, suffering from the loss of a fin. If cleanlinessis a near neighbor to godliness, then was the big rebel thegodliest man in my ward that day.
Having done up our human wash, and laid it out to dry, the secondsyllable of our version of the word war-fare was enacted withmuch success. Great trays of bread, meat, soup and coffeeappeared; and both nurses and attendants turned waiters, servingbountiful rations to all who could eat. I can call my pinafore totestify to my good will in the work, for in ten minutes it wasreduced to a perambulating bill of fare, presenting samples ofall the refreshments going or gone. It was a lively scene; thelong room lined with rows of beds, each filled by an occupant,whom water, shears, and clean raiment, had transformed from adismal ragamuffin into a recumbent hero, with a cropped head. Toand fro rushed matrons, maids, and convalescent "boys,"skirmishing with knives and forks; retreating with empty plates;marching and counter-marching, with unvaried success, while theclash of busy spoons made most inspiring music for the charge ofour Light Brigade:
Very welcome seemed the generous meal, after a week of suffering,exposure, and short commons; soon the brown faces began to smile,as food, warmth, and rest, did their pleasant work; and thegrateful "Thankee's" were followed by more graphic accounts ofthe battle and retreat, than any paid reporter could have givenus. Curious contrasts of the tragic and comic met one everywhere;and some touching as well as ludicrous episodes, might have beenrecorded that day. A six foot New Hampshire man, with a legbroken and perforated by a piece of shell, so large that, had Inot seen the wound, I should have regarded the story as aMunchausenism, beckoned me to come and help him, as he could notsit up, and both his bed and beard were getting plentifullyanointed with soup. As I fed my big nestling with correspondingmouthfuls, I asked him how he felt during the battle.
"Well, 'twas my fust, you see, so I aint ashamed to say I was atrifle flustered in the beginnin', there was such an allfiredracket; for ef there's anything I do spleen agin, it's noise. Butwhen my mate, Eph Sylvester, caved, with a bullet through hishead, I got mad, and pitched in, licketty cut. Our part of thefight didn't last long; so a lot of us larked roundFredericksburg, and give some of them houses a pretty consid'ableof a rummage, till we was ordered out of the mess. Some of ourfellows cut like time; but I warn't a-goin' to run for nobody;and, fust thing I knew, a shell bust, right in front of us, and Ikeeled over, feelin' as if I was blowed higher'n a kite. I sungout, and the boys come back for me, double quick; but the waythey chucked me over them fences was a caution, I tell you. Nextday I was most as black as that darkey yonder, lickin' plates onthe sly. This is bully coffee, ain't it? Give us another pull atit, and I'll be obleeged to you."
I did; and, as the last gulp subsided, he said, with a rub of hisold handkerchief over eyes as well as mouth:
"Look a here; I've got a pair a earbobs and a handkercher pin I'ma goin' to give you, if you'll have them; for you're the verymoral o' Lizy Sylvester, poor Eph's wife: that's why I signalledyou to come over here. They aint much, I guess, but they'll do tomemorize the rebs by."
Burrowing under his pillow, he produced a little bundle of whathe called "truck," and gallantly presented me with a pair ofearrings, each representing a cluster of corpulent grapes, andthe pin a basket of astonishing fruit, the whole large andcoppery enough for a small warming-pan. Feeling delicate aboutdepriving him of such valuable relics, I accepted the earringsalone, and was obliged to depart, somewhat abruptly, when myfriend stuck the warming-pan in the bosom of his night-gown,viewing it with much complacency, and, perhaps, some tendermemory, in that rough heart of his, for the comrade he had lost.
Observing that the man next him had left his meal untouched, Ioffered the same service I had performed for his neighbor, but heshook his head.
"Thank you, ma'am; I don't think I'll ever eat again, for I'mshot in the stomach. But I'd like a drink of water, if you ainttoo busy."
I rushed away, but the water-pails were gone to be refilled, andit was some time before they reappeared. I did not forget mypatient patient, meanwhile, and, with the first mugful, hurriedback to him. He seemed asleep; but something in the tired whiteface caused me to listen at his lips for a breath. None came. Itouched his forehead; it was cold: and then I knew that, while hewaited, a better nurse than I had given him a cooler draught, andhealed him with a touch. I laid the sheet over the quiet sleeper,whom no noise could now disturb; and, half an hour later, the bedwas empty. It seemed a poor requital for all he had sacrificedand suffered, - that hospital bed, lonely even in a crowd; forthere was no familiar face for him to look his last upon; nofriendly voice to say, Good bye; no hand to lead him gently downinto the Valley of the Shadow; and he vanished, like a drop inthat red sea upon whose shores so many women stand lamenting. Fora moment I felt bitterly indignant at this seeming carelessnessof the value of life, the sanctity of death; then consoled myselfwith the thought that, when the great muster roll was called,these nameless men might be promoted above many whose tallmonuments record the barren honors they have won.
All having eaten, drank, and rested, the surgeons began theirrounds; and I took my first lesson in the art of dressing wounds.It wasn't a festive scene, by any means; for Dr P., whose Aid Iconstituted myself, fell to work with a vigor which soonconvinced me that I was a weaker vessel, though nothing wouldhave induced me to confess it then. He had served in the Crimea,and seemed to regard a dilapidated body very much as I shouldhave regarded a damaged garment; and, turning up his cuffs,whipped out a very unpleasant looking housewife, cutting, sawing,patching and piecing, with the enthusiasm of an accomplishedsurgical seamstress; explaining the process, in scientific terms,to the patient, meantime; which, of course, was immenselycheering and comfortable. There was an uncanny sort offascination in watching him, as he peered and probed into themechanism of those wonderful bodies, whose mysteries heunderstood so well. The more intricate the wound, the better heliked it. A poor private, with both legs off, and shot throughthe lungs, possessed more attractions for him than a dozengenerals, slightly scratched in some "masterly retreat;" and hadany one appeared in small pieces, requesting to be put togetheragain, he would have considered it a special dispensation.
The amputations were reserved till the morrow, and the mercifulmagic of ether was not thought necessary that day, so the poorsouls had to bear their pains as best they might. It is all verywell to talk of the patience of woman; and far be it from me topluck that feather from her cap, for, heaven knows, she isn'tallowed to wear many; but the patient endurance of these men,under trials of the flesh, was truly wonderful. Their fortitudeseemed contagious, and scarcely a cry escaped them, though Ioften longed to groan for them, when pride kept their white lipsshut, while great drops stood upon their foreheads, and the bedshook with the irrepressible tremor of their tortured bodies. Oneor two Irishmen anathematized the doctors with the frankness oftheir nation, and ordered the Virgin to stand by them, as if shehad been the wedded Biddy to whom they could administer thepoker, if she didn't; but, as a general thing, the work went onin silence, broken only by some quiet request for roller,instruments, or plaster, a sigh from the patient, or asympathizing murmur from the nurse.
It was long past noon before these repairs were even partiallymade; and, having got the bodies of my boys into something likeorder, the next task was to minister to their minds, by writingletters to the anxious souls at home; answering questions,reading papers, taking possession of money and valuables; for theeighth commandment was reduced to a very fragmentary condition,both by the blacks and whites, who ornamented our hospital withtheir presence. Pocket books, purses, miniatures, and watches,were sealed up, labelled, and handed over to the matron, tillsuch times as the owners thereof were ready to depart homeward orcampward again. The letters dictated to me, and revised by me,that afternoon, would have made an excellent chapter for somefuture history of the war; for, like that which Thackeray's"Ensign Spooney" wrote his mother just before Waterloo, they were"full of affection, pluck, and bad spelling;" nearly all givinglively accounts of the battle, and ending with a somewhat suddenplunge from patriotism to provender, desiring "Marm," "Mary Ann,"or "Aunt Peters," to send along some pies, pickles, sweet stuff,and apples, "to yourn in haste," Joe, Sam, or Ned, as the casemight be.
My little Sergeant insisted on trying to scribble something withhis left hand, and patiently accomplished some half dozen linesof hieroglyphics, which he gave me to fold and direct, with aboyish blush, that rendered a glimpse of "My Dearest Jane,"unnecessary, to assure me that the heroic lad had been moresuccessful in the service of Commander-in-Chief Cupid than thatof Gen. Mars; and a charming little romance blossomed instanterin Nurse Periwinkle's romantic fancy, though no furtherconfidences were made that day, for Sergeant fell asleep, and,judging from his tranquil face, visited his absent sweetheart inthe pleasant land of dreams.
At five o'clock a great bell rang, and the attendants flew, notto arms, but to their trays, to bring up supper, when a seconduproar announced that it was ready. The new comers woke at thesound; and I presently discovered that it took a very bad woundto incapacitate the defenders of the faith for the consumption oftheir rations; the amount that some of them sequestered wasamazing; but when I suggested the probability of a faminehereafter, to the matron, that motherly lady cried out: "Blesstheir hearts, why shouldn't they eat? It's their only amusement;so fill every one, and, if there's not enough ready to-night,I'll lend my share to the Lord by giving it to the boys." And,whipping up her coffee-pot and plate of toast, she gladdened theeyes and stomachs of two or three dissatisfied heroes, by servingthem with a liberal hand; and I haven't the slightest doubt that,having cast her bread upon the waters, it came back buttered, asanother large-hearted old lady was wont to say.
Then came the doctor's evening visit; the administration ofmedicines; washing feverish faces; smoothing tumbled beds;wetting wounds; singing lullabies; and preparations for thenight. By eleven, the last labor of love was done; the last "goodnight" spoken; and, if any needed a reward for that day's work,they surely received it, in the silent eloquence of those longlines of faces, showing pale and peaceful in the shaded rooms, aswe quitted them, followed by grateful glances that lighted us tobed, where rest, the sweetest, made our pillows soft, while Nightand Nature took our places, filling that great house of pain withthe healing miracles of Sleep, and his diviner brother, Death.