Chapter 38 - On The Shelf
In France the young girls have a dull time of it till they aremarried, when 'Vive la liberte!' becomes their motto. In America,as everyone knows, girls early sign the declaration of independence,and enjoy their freedom with republican zest, but the young matronsusually abdicate with the first heir to the throne and go into aseclusion almost as close as a French nunnery, though by no meansas quiet. Whether they like it or not, they are virtually putupon the shelf as soon as the wedding excitement is over, and mostof them might exclaim, as did a very pretty woman the other day,"I'm as handsome as ever, but no one takes any notice of me becauseI'm married."
Not being a belle or even a fashionable lady, Meg did notexperience this affliction till her babies were a year old,for in her little world primitive customs prevailed, and shefound herself more admired and beloved than ever.
As she was a womanly little woman, the maternal instinctwas very strong, and she was entirely absorbed in her children,to the utter exclusion of everything and everybody else. Dayand night she brooded over them with tireless devotion andanxiety, leaving John to the tender mercies of the help, foran Irish lady now presided over the kitchen department. Beinga domestic man, John decidedly missed the wifely attentions hehad been accustomed to receive, but as he adored his babies, hecheerfully relinquished his comfort for a time, supposing withmasculine ignorance that peace would soon be restored. Butthree months passed, and there was no return of repose. Meglooked worn and nervous, the babies absorbed every minute ofher time, the house was neglected, and Kitty, the cook, who tooklife 'aisy', kept him on short commons. When he went out inthe morning he was bewildered by small commissions for the captivemamma, if he came gaily in at night, eager to embrace hisfamily, he was quenched by a "Hush! They are just asleep afterworrying all day." If he proposed a little amusement at home,"No, it would disturb the babies." If he hinted at a lectureor a concert, he was answered with a reproachful look, and adecided - "Leave my children for pleasure, never!" His sleep wasbroken by infant wails and visions of a phantom figure pacingnoiselessly to and fro in the watches of the night. His mealswere interrupted by the frequent flight of the presiding genius,who deserted him, half-helped, if a muffled chirp sounded fromthe nest above. And when he read his paper of an evening,Demi's colic got into the shipping list and Daisy's fall affectedthe price of stocks, for Mrs. Brooke was only interested in domestic news.
The poor man was very uncomfortable, for the children hadbereft him of his wife, home was merely a nursery and the perpetual'hushing' made him feel like a brutal intruder wheneverhe entered the sacred precincts of Babyland. He bore it verypatiently for six months, and when no signs of amendment appeared,he did what other paternal exiles do - tried to get a little comfortelsewhere. Scott had married and gone to housekeeping notfar off, and John fell into the way of running over for an houror two of an evening, when his own parlor was empty, and hisown wife singing lullabies that seemed to have no end. Mrs.Scott was a lively, pretty girl, with nothing to do but beagreeable, and she performed her mission most successfully. Theparlor was always bright and attractive, the chessboard ready,the piano in tune, plenty of gay gossip, and a nice little supperset forth in tempting style.
John would have preferred his own fireside if it had notbeen so lonely, but as it was he gratefully took the next bestthing and enjoyed his neighbor's society.
Meg rather approved of the new arrangement at first, andfound it a relief to know that John was having a good timeinstead of dozing in the parlor, or tramping about the houseand waking the children. But by-and-by, when the teethingworry was over and the idols went to sleep at proper hours,leaving Mamma time to rest, she began to miss John, and findher workbasket dull company, when he was not sitting oppositein his old dressing gown, comfortably scorching his slipperson the fender. She would not ask him to stay at home, but feltinjured because he did not know that she wanted him withoutbeing told, entirely forgetting the many evenings he had waitedfor her in vain. She was nervous and worn out with watchingand worry, and in that unreasonable frame of mind which the bestof mothers occasionally experience when domestic cares oppressthem. Want of exercise robs them of cheerfulness, and too muchdevotion to that idol of American women, the teapot, makes themfeel as if they were all nerve and no muscle.
"Yes," she would say, looking in the glass, "I'm gettingold and ugly. John doesn't find me interesting any longer, sohe leaves his faded wife and goes to see his pretty neighbor,who has no incumbrances. Well, the babies love me, they don'tcare if I am thin and pale and haven't time to crimp my hair,they are my comfort, and some day John will see what I'vegladly sacrificed for them, won't he, my precious?"
To which pathetic appeal Daisy would answer with a coo,or Demi with a crow, and Meg would put by her lamentations fora maternal revel, which soothed her solitude for the time being.But the pain increased as politics absorbed John, who was alwaysrunning over to discuss interesting points with Scott, quiteunconscious that Meg missed him. Not a word did she say, however,till her mother found her in tears one day, and insistedon knowing what the matter was, for Meg's drooping spirits hadnot escaped her observation.
"I wouldn't tell anyone except you, Mother, but I reallydo need advice, for if John goes on much longer I might as wellbe widowed," replied Mrs. Brooke, drying her tears on Daisy'sbib with an injured air.
"Goes on how, my dear?" asked her mother anxiously.
"He's away all day, and at night when I want to see him,he is continually going over to the Scotts'. It isn't fairthat I should have the hardest work, and never any amusement.Men are very selfish, even the best of them."
"So are women. Don't blame John till you see where youare wrong yourself."
"But it can't be right for him to neglect me."
"Don't you neglect him?"
"Why, Mother, I thought you'd take my part!"
"So I do, as far as sympathizing goes, but I think the faultis yours, Meg."
"I don't see how."
"Let me show you. Did John ever neglect you, as you call it,while you made it a point to give him your society of an evening,his only leisure time?"
"No, but I can't do it now, with two babies to tend."
"I think you could, dear, and I think you ought. May Ispeak quite freely, and will you remember that it's Mother whoblames as well as Mother who sympathizes?"
"Indeed I will! Speak to me as if I were little Meg again.I often feel as if I needed teaching more than ever since thesebabies look to me for everything."
Meg drew her low chair beside her mother's, and with a littleinterruption in either lap, the two women rocked and talked lovinglytogether, feeling that the tie of motherhood made them more onethan ever.
"You have only made the mistake that most young wives make - forgottenyour duty to your husband in your love for your children.A very natural and forgivable mistake, Meg, but one thathad better be remedied before you take to different ways, forchildren should draw you nearer than ever, not separate you, asif they were all yours, and John had nothing to do but supportthem. I've seen it for some weeks, but have not spoken, feelingsure it would come right in time."
"I'm afraid it won't. If I ask him to stay, he'll think I'mjealous, and I wouldn't insult him by such an idea. He doesn'tsee that I want him, and I don't know how to tell him withoutwords."
"Make it so pleasant he won't want to go away. My dear,he's longing for his little home, but it isn't home without you,and you are always in the nursery."
"Oughtn't I to be there?"
"Not all the time, too much confinement makes you nervous,and then you are unfitted for everything. Besides, you owesomething to John as well as to the babies. Don't neglect husbandfor children, don't shut him out of the nursery, but teachhim how to help in it. His place is there as well as yours, andthe children need him. Let him feel that he has a part to do, andhe will do it gladly and faithfully, and it will be better for youall."
"You really think so, Mother?"
"I know it, Meg, for I've tried it, and I seldom give advice unlessI've proved its practicability. When you and Jo were little, I wenton just as you are, feeling as if I didn't do my duty unless Idevoted myself wholly to you. Poor Father took to his books, after Ihad refused all offers of help, and left me to try my experimentalone. I struggled along as well as I could, but Jo was too much forme. I nearly spoiled her by indulgence. You were poorly, and Iworried about you till I fell sick myself. Then Father came to therescue, quietly managed everything, and made himself so helpful thatI saw my mistake, and never have been able to got on without himsince. That is the secret of our home happiness. He does not letbusiness wean him from the little cares and duties that affect usall, and I try not to let domestic worries destroy my interest inhis pursuits. Each do our part alone in many things, but at home wework together, always."
"It is so, Mother, and my great wish is to be to my husbandand children what you have been to yours. Show me how, I'll doanything you say."
"You always were my docile daughter. Well, dear, if I wereyou, I'd let John have more to do with the management of Demi,for the boy needs training, and it's none too soon to begin.Then I'd do what I have often proposed, let Hannah come andhelp you. She is a capital nurse, and you may trust the preciousbabies to her while you do more housework. You need the exercise,Hannah would enjoy the rest, and John would find his wife again.Go out more, keep cheerful as well as busy, for you are thesunshine-maker of the family, and if you get dismal there is nofair weather. Then I'd try to take an interest in whatever Johnlikes - talk with him, let him read to you, exchange ideas, andhelp each other in that way. Don't shut yourself up in a bandboxbecause you are a woman, but understand what is going on, andeducate yourself to take your part in the world's work, for itall affects you and yours."
"John is so sensible, I'm afraid he will think I'm stupid ifI ask questions about politics and things."
"I don't believe he would. Love covers a multitude of sins,and of whom could you ask more freely than of him? Try it, andsee if he doesn't find your society far more agreeable than Mrs.Scott's suppers."
"I will. Poor John! I'm afraid I have neglected him sadly,but I thought I was right, and he never said anything."
"He tried not to be selfish, but he has felt rather forlorn,I fancy. This is just the time, Meg, when young married peopleare apt to grow apart, and the very time when they ought to bemost together, for the first tenderness soon wears off, unlesscare is taken to preserve it. And no time is so beautiful andprecious to parents as the first years of the little livesgiven to them to train. Don't let John be a stranger to thebabies, for they will do more to keep him safe and happy inthis world of trial and temptation than anything else, andthrough them you will learn to know and love one another asyou should. Now, dear, good-by. Think over Mother's preachment,act upon it if it seems good, and God bless you all."
Meg did think it over, found it good, and acted upon it,though the first attempt was not made exactly as she plannedto have it. Of course the children tyrannized over her, andruled the house as soon as they found out that kicking andsqualling brought them whatever they wanted. Mamma was anabject slave to their caprices, but Papa was not so easilysubjugated, and occasionally afflicted his tender spouse byan attempt at paternal discipline with his obstreperous son.For Demi inherited a trifle of his sire's firmness of character,we won't call it obstinacy, and when he made up his little mind to have or to do anything, all the king's horses andall the king's men could not change that pertinacious littlemind. Mamma thought the dear too young to be taught to conquerhis prejudices, but Papa believed that it never was toosoon to learn obedience. So Master Demi early discovered thatwhen he undertook to 'wrastle' with 'Parpar', he always gotthe worst of it, yet like the Englishman, baby respected theman who conquered him, and loved the father whose grave "No,no," was more impressive than all Mamma's love pats.
A few days after the talk with her mother, Meg resolvedto try a social evening with John, so she ordered a nicesupper, set the parlor in order, dressed herself prettily, andput the children to bed early, that nothing should interferewith her experiment. But unfortunately Demi's most unconquerableprejudice was against going to bed, and that night he decidedto go on a rampage. So poor Meg sang and rocked,told stories and tried every sleep-prevoking wile she coulddevise, but all in vain, the big eyes wouldn't shut, and longafter Daisy had gone to byelow, like the chubby little bunchof good nature she was, naughty Demi lay staring at the light,with the most discouragingly wide-awake expression of countenance.
"Will Demi lie still like a good boy, while Mamma runsdown and gives poor Papa his tea?" asked Meg, as the halldoor softly closed, and the well-known step went tip-toeinginto the dining room.
"Me has tea!" said Demi, preparing to join in the revel.
"No, but I'll save you some little cakies for breakfast,if you'll go bye-bye like Daisy. Will you, lovey?"
"Iss!" and Demi shut his eyes tight, as if to catch sleepand hurry the desired day.
Taking advantage of the propitious moment, Meg slippedaway and ran down to greet her husband with a smiling faceand the little blue bow in her hair which was his especialadmiration. He saw it at once and said with pleased surprise,"Why, little mother, how gay we are tonight. Do you expectcompany?"
"Only you, dear."
"Is it a birthday, anniversary, or anything?"
"No, I'm tired of being dowdy, so I dressed up as achange. You always make yourself nice for table, no matterhow tired you are, so why shouldn't I when I have the time?"
"I do it out of respect for you, my dear," said old-fashioned John.
"Ditto, ditto, Mr. Brooke," laughed Meg, looking youngand pretty again, as she nodded to him over the teapot.
"Well, it's altogether delightful, and like old times. This tastesright. I drink your health, dear." and John sipped his tea with anair of reposeful rapture, which was of very short duration however,for as he put down his cup, the door handle rattled mysteriously,and a little voice was heard, saying impatiently . . .
"Opy doy. Me's tummin!"
"It's that naughty boy. I told him to go to sleep alone,and here he is, downstairs, getting his death a-cold patteringover that canvas," said Meg, answering the call.
"Mornin' now," announced Demi in joyful tone as he entered,with his long nightgown gracefully festooned over his arm andevery curl bobbing gayly as he pranced about the table, eyeingthe 'cakies' with loving glances.
"No, it isn't morning yet. You must go to bed, and nottrouble poor Mamma. Then you can have the little cake withsugar on it."
"Me loves Parpar," said the artful one, preparing to climbthe paternal knee and revel in forbidden joys. But John shookhis head, and said to Meg . . .
"If you told him to stay up there, and go to sleep alone,make him do it, or he will never learn to mind you."
"Yes, of course. Come, Demi," and Meg led her son away,feeling a strong desire to spank the little marplot who hoppedbeside her, laboring under the delusion that the bribe was tobe administered as soon as they reached the nursery.
Nor was he disappointed, for that shortsighted womanactually gave him a lump of sugar, tucked him into his bed,and forbade any more promenades till morning.
"Iss!" said Demi the perjured, blissfully sucking his sugar,and regarding his first attempt as eminently successful.
Meg returned to her place, and supper was progressingpleasantly, when the little ghost walked again, and exposedthe maternal delinquencies by boldly demanding, "More sudar,Marmar."
"Now this won't do," said John, hardening his heart againstthe engaging little sinner. "We shall never know any peace tillthat child learns to go to bed properly. You have made a slave ofyourself long enough. Give him one lesson, and then there willbe an end of it. Put him in his bed and leave him, Meg."
"He won't stay there, he never does unless I sit by him."
"I'll manage him. Demi, go upstairs, and get into your bed,as Mamma bids you."
"S'ant!" replied the young rebel, helping himself to thecoveted 'cakie', and beginning to eat the same with calm audacity.
"You must never say that to Papa. I shall carry you if youdon't go yourself."
"Go 'way, me don't love Parpar." and Demi retired to hismother's skirts for protection.
But even that refuge proved unavailing, for he was deliveredover to the enemy, with a "Be gentle with him, John,"which struck the culprit with dismay, for when Mamma desertedhim, then the judgment day was at hand. Bereft of his cake,defrauded of his frolic, and borne away by a strong hand tothat detested bed, poor Demi could not restrain his wrath, butopenly defied Papa, and kicked and screamed lustily all theway upstairs. The minute he was put into bed on one side, herolled out on the other, and made for the door, only to beignominiously caught up by the tail of his little toga andput back again, which lively performance was kept up till theyoung man's strength gave out, when he devoted himself toroaring at the top of his voice. This vocal exercise usuallyconquered Meg, but John sat as unmoved as the post which ispopularly believed to be deaf. No coaxing, no sugar, nolullaby, no story, even the light was put out and only thered glow of the fire enlivened the 'big dark' which Demiregarded with curiosity rather than fear. This new orderof things disgusted him, and he howled dismally for 'Marmar',as his angry passions subsided, and recollections of histender bondwoman returned to the captive autocrat. Theplaintive wail which succeeded the passionate roar went toMeg's heart, and she ran up to say beseechingly . . .
"Let me stay with him, he'll be good now, John."
"No, my dear. I've told him he must go to sleep, as youbid him, and he must, if I stay here all night."
"But he'll cry himself sick," pleaded Meg, reproaching herselffor deserting her boy.
"No, he won't, he's so tired he will soon drop off and thenthe matter is settled, for he will understand that he has got tomind. Don't interfere, I'll manage him."
"He's my child, and I can't have his spirit broken by harshness."
"He's my child, and I won't have his temper spoiled byindulgence. Go down, my dear, and leave the boy to me."
When John spoke in that masterful tone, Meg always obeyed,and never regretted her docility.
"Please let me kiss him once, John?"
"Certainly. Demi, say good night to Mamma, and let her go and rest,for she is very tired with taking care of you all day."
Meg always insisted upon it that the kiss won the victory,for after it was given, Demi sobbed more quietly, and lay quitestill at the bottom of the bed, whither he had wriggled in hisanguish of mind.
"Poor little man, he's worn out with sleep and crying. I'llcover him up, and then go and set Meg's heart at rest," thoughtJohn, creeping to the bedside, hoping to find his rebelliousheir asleep.
But he wasn't, for the moment his father peeped at him,Demi's eyes opened, his little chin began to quiver, and he putup his arms, saying with a penitent hiccough, "Me's dood, now."
Sitting on the stairs outside Meg wondered at the longsilence which followed the uproar, and after imagining allsorts of impossible accidents, she slipped into the room toset her fears at rest. Demi lay fast asleep, not in his usualspreadeagle attitude, but in a subdued bunch, cuddled close inthe circle of his father's arm and holding his father's finger,as if he felt that justice was tempered with mercy, and hadgone to sleep a sadder and wiser baby. So held, John had waitedwith a womanly patience till the little hand relaxed its hold,and while waiting had fallen asleep, more tired by that tusslewith his son than with his whole day's work.
As Meg stood watching the two faces on the pillow, shesmiled to herself, and then slipped away again, saying in asatisfied tone, "I never need fear that John will be too harshwith my babies. He does know how to manage them, and will bea great help, for Demi is getting too much for me."
When John came down at last, expecting to find a pensiveor reproachful wife, he was agreeably surprised to find Megplacidly trimming a bonnet, and to be greeted with the requestto read something about the election, if he was nottoo tired. John saw in a minute that a revolution of somekind was going on, but wisely asked no questions, knowingthat Meg was such a transparent little person, she couldn'tkeep a secret to save her life, and therefore the clue wouldsoon appear. He read a long debate with the most amiablereadiness and then explained it in his most lucid manner,while Meg tried to look deeply interested, to ask intelligentquestions, and keep her thoughts from wandering from thestate of the nation to the state of her bonnet. In her secretsoul, however, she decided that politics were as bad as mathematics,and that the mission of politicians seemed to be callingeach other names, but she kept these feminine ideas to herself,and when John paused, shook her head and said with what shethought diplomatic ambiguity, "Well, I really don't see whatwe are coming to."
John laughed, and watched her for a minute, as she poiseda pretty little preparation of lace and flowers on her hand,and regarded it with the genuine interest which his haranguehad failed to waken.
"She is trying to like politics for my sake, so I'll try and likemillinery for hers, that's only fair," thought John the Just, addingaloud, "That's very pretty. Is it what you call a breakfast cap?"
"My dear man, it's a bonnet! My very best go-to-concert-and-theaterbonnet."
"I beg your pardon, it was so small, I naturally mistookit for one of the flyaway things you sometimes wear.How do you keep it on?"
"These bits of lace are fastened under the chin with a rosebud, so,"and Meg illustrated by putting on the bonnet and regardinghim with an air of calm satisfaction that was irresistible.
"It's a love of a bonnet, but I prefer the face inside, forit looks young and happy again," and John kissed the smilingface, to the great detriment of the rosebud under the chin.
"I'm glad you like it, for I want you to take me to oneof the new concerts some night. I really need some music toput me in tune. Will you, please?"
"Of course I will, with all my heart, or anywhere else youlike. You have been shut up so long, it will do you no end ofgood, and I shall enjoy it, of all things. What put it intoyour head, little mother?"
"Well, I had a talk with Marmee the other day, and toldher how nervous and cross and out of sorts I felt, and shesaid I needed change and less care, so Hannah is to help mewith the children, and I'm to see to things about the house more,and now and then have a little fun, just to keep me from gettingto be a fidgety, broken-down old woman before my time. It'sonly an experiment, John, and I want to try it for your sakeas much as for mine, because I've neglected you shamefullylately, and I'm going to make home what it used to be, if Ican. You don't object, I hope?"
Never mind what John said, or what a very narrow escapethe little bonnet had from utter ruin. All that we have anybusiness to know is that John did not appear to object, judgingfrom the changes which gradually took place in the houseand its inmates. It was not all Paradise by any means, buteveryone was better for the division of labor system. Thechildren throve under the paternal rule, for accurate, stedfastJohn brought order and obedience into Babydom, while Megrecovered her spirits and composed her nerves by plenty ofwholesome exercise, a little pleasure, and much confidentialconversation with her sensible husband. Home grew homelikeagain, and John had no wish to leave it, unless he took Megwith him. The Scotts came to the Brookes' now, and everyonefound the little house a cheerful place, full of happiness,content, and family love. Even Sallie Moffatt liked to gothere. "It is always so quiet and pleasant here, it does megood, Meg," she used to say, looking about her with wistfuleyes, as if trying to discover the charm, that she might useit in her great house, full of splendid loneliness, for therewere no riotous, sunny-faced babies there, and Ned lived ina world of his own, where there was no place for her.
This household happiness did not come all at once, butJohn and Meg had found the key to it, and each year of marriedlife taught them how to use it, unlocking the treasuriesof real home love and mutual helpfulness, which the poorestmay possess, and the richest cannot buy. This is the sortof shelf on which young wives and mothers may consent to belaid, safe from the restless fret and fever of the world,finding loyal lovers in the little sons and daughters whocling to them, undaunted by sorrow, poverty, or age, walkingside by side, through fair and stormy weather, with a faithfulfriend, who is, in the true sense of the good old Saxon word,the 'house-band', and learning, as Meg learned, that a woman'shappiest kingdom is home, her highest honor the art of rulingit not as a queen, but as a wise wife and mother.