Chapter 8
Six weeks had passed away. It was a splendid morning about theclose of June. Most of the hay was cut, but the last week had beenvery unfavourable; and now that fine weather was come at last,being determined to make the most of it, I had gathered all handstogether into the hay-field, and was working away myself, in themidst of them, in my shirt-sleeves, with a light, shady straw haton my head, catching up armfuls of moist, reeking grass, andshaking it out to the four winds of heaven, at the head of a goodlyfile of servants and hirelings - intending so to labour, frommorning till night, with as much zeal and assiduity as I could lookfor from any of them, as well to prosper the work by my ownexertion as to animate the workers by my example - when lo! myresolutions were overthrown in a moment, by the simple fact of mybrother's running up to me and putting into my hand a small parcel,just arrived from London, which I had been for some time expecting.I tore off the cover, and disclosed an elegant and portable editionof 'Marmion.'
'I guess I know who that's for,' said Fergus, who stood looking onwhile I complacently examined the volume. 'That's for Miss Eliza,now.'
He pronounced this with a tone and look so prodigiously knowing,that I was glad to contradict him.
'You're wrong, my lad,' said I; and, taking up my coat, I depositedthe book in one of its pockets, and then put it on (i.e. the coat).'Now come here, you idle dog, and make yourself useful for once,' Icontinued. 'Pull off your coat, and take my place in the fieldtill I come back.'
'Till you come back? - and where are you going, pray?
'No matter where - the when is all that concerns you; - and I shallbe back by dinner, at least.'
'Oh - oh! and I'm to labour away till then, am I? - and to keep allthese fellows hard at it besides? Well, well! I'll submit - foronce in a way. - Come, my lads, you must look sharp: I'm come tohelp you now:- and woe be to that man, or woman either, that pausesfor a moment amongst you - whether to stare about him, to scratchhis head, or blow his nose - no pretext will serve - nothing butwork, work, work in the sweat of your face,' &c., &c.
Leaving him thus haranguing the people, more to their amusementthan edification, I returned to the house, and, having made somealteration in my toilet, hastened away to Wildfell Hall, with thebook in my pocket; for it was destined for the shelves of Mrs.Graham.
'What! then had she and you got on so well together as to come tothe giving and receiving of presents?' - Not precisely, old buck;this was my first experiment in that line; and I was very anxiousto see the result of it.
We had met several times since the - Bay excursion, and I had foundshe was not averse to my company, provided I confined myconversation to the discussion of abstract matters, or topics ofcommon interest; - the moment I touched upon the sentimental or thecomplimentary, or made the slightest approach to tenderness in wordor look, I was not only punished by an immediate change in hermanner at the time, but doomed to find her more cold and distant,if not entirely inaccessible, when next I sought her company. Thiscircumstance did not greatly disconcert me, however, because Iattributed it, not so much to any dislike of my person, as to someabsolute resolution against a second marriage formed prior to thetime of our acquaintance, whether from excess of affection for herlate husband, or because she had had enough of him and thematrimonial state together. At first, indeed, she had seemed totake a pleasure in mortifying my vanity and crushing my presumption- relentlessly nipping off bud by bud as they ventured to appear;and then, I confess, I was deeply wounded, though, at the sametime, stimulated to seek revenge; - but latterly finding, beyond adoubt, that I was not that empty-headed coxcomb she had firstsupposed me, she had repulsed my modest advances in quite adifferent spirit. It was a kind of serious, almost sorrowfuldispleasure, which I soon learnt carefully to avoid awakening.
'Let me first establish my position as a friend,' thought I - 'thepatron and playfellow of her son, the sober, solid, plain-dealingfriend of herself, and then, when I have made myself fairlynecessary to her comfort and enjoyment in life (as I believe Ican), we'll see what next may be effected.'
So we talked about painting, poetry, and music, theology, geology,and philosophy: once or twice I lent her a book, and once she lentme one in return: I met her in her walks as often as I could; Icame to her house as often as I dared. My first pretext forinvading the sanctum was to bring Arthur a little waddling puppy ofwhich Sancho was the father, and which delighted the child beyondexpression, and, consequently, could not fail to please his mamma.My second was to bring him a book, which, knowing his mother'sparticularity, I had carefully selected, and which I submitted forher approbation before presenting it to him. Then, I brought hersome plants for her garden, in my sister's name - having previouslypersuaded Rose to send them. Each of these times I inquired afterthe picture she was painting from the sketch taken on the cliff,and was admitted into the studio, and asked my opinion or advicerespecting its progress.
My last visit had been to return the book she had lent me; and thenit was that, in casually discussing the poetry of Sir Walter Scott,she had expressed a wish to see 'Marmion,' and I had conceived thepresumptuous idea of making her a present of it, and, on my returnhome, instantly sent for the smart little volume I had this morningreceived. But an apology for invading the hermitage was stillnecessary; so I had furnished myself with a blue morocco collar forArthur's little dog; and that being given and received, with muchmore joy and gratitude, on the part of the receiver, than the worthof the gift or the selfish motive of the giver deserved, I venturedto ask Mrs. Graham for one more look at the picture, if it wasstill there.
'Oh, yes! come in,' said she (for I had met them in the garden).'It is finished and framed, all ready for sending away; but give meyour last opinion, and if you can suggest any further improvement,it shall be - duly considered, at least.'
The picture was strikingly beautiful; it was the very scene itself,transferred as if by magic to the canvas; but I expressed myapprobation in guarded terms, and few words, for fear ofdispleasing her. She, however, attentively watched my looks, andher artist's pride was gratified, no doubt, to read my heartfeltadmiration in my eyes. But, while I gazed, I thought upon thebook, and wondered how it was to be presented. My heart failed me;but I determined not to be such a fool as to come away withouthaving made the attempt. It was useless waiting for anopportunity, and useless trying to concoct a speech for theoccasion. The more plainly and naturally the thing was done, thebetter, I thought; so I just looked out of the window to screw upmy courage, and then pulled out the book, turned round, and put itinto her hand, with this short explanation:
'You were wishing to see 'Marmion,' Mrs. Graham; and here it is, ifyou will be so kind as to take it.'
A momentary blush suffused her face - perhaps, a blush ofsympathetic shame for such an awkward style of presentation: shegravely examined the volume on both sides; then silently turnedover the leaves, knitting her brows the while, in seriouscogitation; then closed the book, and turning from it to me,quietly asked the price of it - I felt the hot blood rush to myface.
'I'm sorry to offend you, Mr. Markham,' said she, 'but unless I payfor the book, I cannot take it.' And she laid it on the table.
'Why cannot you?'
'Because,' - she paused, and looked at the carpet.
'Why cannot you?' I repeated, with a degree of irascibility thatroused her to lift her eyes and look me steadily in the face.
'Because I don't like to put myself under obligations that I cannever repay - I am obliged to you already for your kindness to myson; but his grateful affection and your own good feelings mustreward you for that.'
'Nonsense!' ejaculated I.
She turned her eyes on me again, with a look of quiet, gravesurprise, that had the effect of a rebuke, whether intended forsuch or not.
'Then you won't take the book?' I asked, more mildly than I had yetspoken.
'I will gladly take it, if you will let me pay for it.' I told herthe exact price, and the cost of the carriage besides, in as calm atone as I could command - for, in fact, I was ready to weep withdisappointment and vexation.
She produced her purse, and coolly counted out the money, buthesitated to put it into my hand. Attentively regarding me, in atone of soothing softness, she observed, - 'You think yourselfinsulted, Mr Markham - I wish I could make you understand that -that I - '
'I do understand you, perfectly,' I said. 'You think that if youwere to accept that trifle from me now, I should presume upon ithereafter; but you are mistaken:- if you will only oblige me bytaking it, believe me, I shall build no hopes upon it, and considerthis no precedent for future favours:- and it is nonsense to talkabout putting yourself under obligations to me when you must knowthat in such a case the obligation is entirely on my side, - thefavour on yours.'
'Well, then, I'll take you at your word,' she answered, with a mostangelic smile, returning the odious money to her purse - 'butremember!'
'I will remember - what I have said; - but do not you punish mypresumption by withdrawing your friendship entirely from me, - orexpect me to atone for it by being more distant than before,' saidI, extending my hand to take leave, for I was too much excited toremain.
'Well, then! let us be as we were,' replied she, frankly placingher hand in mine; and while I held it there, I had much difficultyto refrain from pressing it to my lips; - but that would besuicidal madness: I had been bold enough already, and thispremature offering had well-nigh given the death-blow to my hopes.
It was with an agitated, burning heart and brain that I hurriedhomewards, regardless of that scorching noonday sun - forgetful ofeverything but her I had just left - regretting nothing but herimpenetrability, and my own precipitancy and want of tact - fearingnothing but her hateful resolution, and my inability to overcome it- hoping nothing - but halt, - I will not bore you with myconflicting hopes and fears - my serious cogitations and resolves.